I had a rough childhood where both my parents were emotionally unavailable and being an only child, I was forced to obey my father (or negative consequences would follow) while my mother was mentally checked out and I was always told what I should be doing instead of being allowed within reason to do what I wanted to do. ie. I was told I needed to get good grades, get a degree, work a stable 9-5 job. Not knowing any better as a child, being constantly pressured by my father, and thinking it would bring me success, I did what I was told and hit a brick wall when I was in my early 20’s. Due to constantly being told what to do when I was younger, when I went out for the first time into the world on my own, I had no idea what I wanted out of life.

Depressed and feeling lost in the world, I dropped out of university and travelled to Germany to work for a full summer before I decided it was not for me. When I got back home, even though I was still feeling lost, I decided to finish my degree and listen to my father’s advice to “get a real job”. Went into the corporate world and my depression spiraled further. I never seemed to be satisfied with my job, no matter how much money I made or the promotions I got. Every fleeting moment of happiness that I felt would be yanked away from me once reality sunk in that I hated every corporate job I’ve ever had. They always felt so meaningless to me and I did not feel like I was in control of my own life. From incompetent to judgmental bosses, I never felt like I truly wanted to work for a company that didn’t have my best interests at heart. My father had also passed away around this time and I felt even more confused. We never had the best relationship and with his passing, I never got the closure I needed.

A few years after constant spiraling depression and feeling at the lowest point in my life, I decided to seek therapy and the therapist made me realize that all my thoughts about what I “should” do (ie. 9-5 job) were not my own ideas. I was carrying the burden of what my father wanted for me and it wasn’t my burden to carry. Beginning the task of unravelling and unloading what my father had told me for a full two decades would not be easy.

While doing therapy and journaling, one question stuck out in particular: Regardless of my career, what did I want my dream life to look like? I knew I did not want to work a 9-5 job (I hate routine) and I did not want to work for others. I wanted to develop my own work that I could be proud of without others judging my capabilities or skills. It took awhile but I eventually quit my corporate job April of this year and developed some much needed technical skills in order to start my own business. I’m currently in the beginning stages of starting my business and I have so much freedom to create my life to be what I want it to be. I’m much happier now and no longer need to be tied down to what I think I should be doing and instead, doing what I want to. I understand that I’m lucky enough to have saved up enough from my corporate job in order to take a leap of faith but I believe that it will all work out in the end.